As I have every night since Monday.

Signs and hope

So, I'm a big believer in signs. I'm also pretty superstitious and haven't quite given up on Santa...so read on at your own risk. :)

Every once in a while, I have a doubting day where it's hard to imagine this baby dream ever becoming a reality. (8 months only seems like a short amount of time when you're not in the midst of waiting for something miraculous to happen) On those doubting days, I ask for a sign to show me that I'm on the right path. Now granted, I WATCH for them.....but they do generally appear when I ask. Like the day I found the adoption success stories book at the dollar store and it was the only copy they had. Or, when out to dinner on my birthday, and the song playing as we entered the restaurant had the words "I must have done something right for you to come into my life". Or the dreams about my baby that other people keep having. But the best one, so far, happened yesterday.

I was at a class that I'm taking this summer about technology and the 21st century learner. They had us download a book onto our iPads. The intro to the book had an audio/video portion. When it came time for us to read the first chapter, I put my earbuds in and tapped the book to start. The intro plays, I'm watching a picture of the earth revolving and then the picture changes to a watercolor-y type silhouette of a person and a John Denver song starts playing. I recognize the song as one I downloaded for the baby because it seemed to fit. The title is The Gift You Are. I was thinking how cool it was that the author chose this song to go with the first chapter. But, as the song continued to play, I worried I wouldn't have enough time to read the chapter. I asked the instructor how to skip the rest of the song. That's when I found out NOBODY else got the John Denver song. My IPad somehow combined the book and the song. I swear I didn't touch it after I tapped the book icon! So see....my sign I asked for!

Oh....and please send prayers, good thoughts, good mojo, whatever you are best at and believe in for a new friend. She's going through a tough time and may be doing it alone. I'm sure she could use our love.

A gift

I got a gift for my birthday today. (Not THAT one--I would not be this calm, trust me!) As a kindergarten teacher, I do a lot for my kids that I figure they will never remember. We make butter and have Polar Express day and the leprechauns visit and we do jellybean math and raise butterflies and make bug shirts and so much more. It's time consuming and hectic and I do it because I love them and I want them to see school as an exciting, wonderful, magical place. But I don't figure they'll remember all that we did. And I really don't think they'll remember much about me.

A few weeks ago, I had a message on my voicemail at school. Turns out a former student wanted me to call her. It took a while to touch base, but, boy was it worth it. 

Tonight I got the best gift---I attended her high school graduation. This little girl, who was in my first kindergarten class, wanted ME to be at her graduation. 

So, if you ever wonder if all the time and money and energy and devotion and occasional heartache are worth it.......

                                               ...yeah, it's worth it. Because, sometimes, they do remember.

Goodbye 2012/13

As a teacher, my year does not begin on Jan. 1 like the rest of the world. My years begin in August and end, in a sense, in June. Each August I make my new year resolutions (I will refile papers every week, I will grade papers and pass them back every week, I will not make piles behind the Smartboard....) and by October I've usually broken every one. 

Every year in May I start feeling like time is moving too fast. I didn't get things done I wanted to do, concepts taught that I wanted the kids to know. Mostly, though, I'm regretting  that my time with my current class is drawing to a close. I've spent about 1,300 hours with these little people and I've grown to love them. They are a part of me and forever will be. 

This year, my class presented me a group gift of a "summer fun" basket. After the last book was read and the last hug given, I returned to my messy, empty classroom and looked in the basket. My room mom, sweet, sweet woman that she is, included my girls in my end of year gift. Yes, there were goodies for me....but the girls got goodies too! The picture above shows them checking out their loot.

This year, as I close out my room and finish report cards, I wonder if this will be my last summer of just me and the girls. I hope so. And if it is (but really, even if it's not) I'm so touched that my girls were thought of with such love. 

Message received

I just got back from a week spent with my aunt and uncle. It was tiring, physically and emotionally draining....and wonderful. Turns out, I was blessed to spend my uncle's last week with him. He passed 24 hours after I left. I am so, so grateful for the time we had together. My aunt is on the mend and handling the loss well. I'm grateful for the help I was able to provide her. I sent many prayers of thanks last week. I am especially grateful for God's perfect timing. I don't think last week would have been possible with a new baby along for the ride.

However....I'm home now, in the land of constant reminders. The holiday tomorrow is adding fuel to that fire. I'm not depressed, or angry, or bitter, or dreading the day......I'm just ready. Ready to be a mom...with all the highs, lows, sleepless nights, anxious days, love and laughter that will bring. 

I was perusing the adoption boards on Pinterest today. Normally, there's a lot of baby/adoption announcements, fundraising ideas, blogs, etc. Today, EVERY board I looked at had multiple "keep believing/it's gonna happen" type messages. These were a few of my favorites. 

I'll be saying another prayer of thanks tonight.

Prayers needed

About 2 months ago or so, I found out my uncle has cancer. We were told there were tumors in his esophagus, stomach and possibly bone involvement. Right before the diagnosis, he fell and banged up his ankle pretty badly to where he was having a lot of difficulty with mobility.  I've been calling every week for an update. He and my aunt are fiercely independent people---I've offered many times to fly out and help. My aunt always says they're managing ok.

A few weeks ago, my uncle lost the ability to walk. His legs were just too weak to support him. Last week, the doctor told them that, thanks to the radiation, the esophagus tumor was gone, the stomach tumor was greatly improved and he thought there was improvement in the bone as well. Through all this, my aunt's health has been declining. With his improvements, she finally went to the doctor for herself.

It's been very frustrating being so far away, with no real way to help. All my info on how he's doing comes through my weekly phone calls. My aunt was sounding fairly positive and optimistic for how things were going health wise for him, so I was optimistic as well.

Till last night. She called me from the hospital. She has pneumonia and fluid retention so bad "her insides are swimming in fluid" (the words of her doctor). She also has not been able to be truthful on the phone. They live in a small house, and my uncle listens when she talks on the phone. He gets upset when she says anything negative...feels she's giving up on him. He's much, much worse than we were led to believe. She honestly feels he has about a week left.

Not that this is easy for them....but this has been a big blow for me. Last summer, they took me to casinos and thrift stores, he grilled burgers for dinner and he worked on his truck. To go from that to the reality of who is now is hard. Very, very hard.

If you are a praying person....please pray. I don't want to lose either of them. I can't imagine losing both.

More fun finds

My friend bought a little blue chair like this for her daughter's first birthday. That daughter is now 8, they still have the chair, and every little one that visits their house loves that thing! I figured I'd keep my eye out over the years for one to set aside. Well, this one was a great price and in perfect condition! Not sure where I'll store it until the baby I don't yet have is old enough to use it.

The little folding chair was cute and cheap. Figured we'd use it camping or on the deck.

The giraffe toy is just cute. And a good price. Didn't find out till I got it home that it makes music every time the back wheels turn. That ought to be fun someday. :) 

This was actually one of the main things I was watching for at the sale. (Well, that and your gift Sheila ;) ) This is not the one I registered for, but is just as cute, is in good shape....and was way cheaper. My poor kid may never realize that you can actually pay full price for things! :) The jumper did not want to fit in my car. Once home, I found out that, once reassembled, it also does not fit through any doorways. :) Another item I need a location for.

I was proud of myself---- I only bought 2 outfits for MIA Baby No Name. :) Both too cute to not have. The package contains 15 embroidered diapers/burp cloths. Figured I'd better prepare in case I get a spitter. The green thing is a suction cupped crumb catcher place mat. My friend J highly recommended it. There's a baby sign language DVD, 2 SCOOBY plates (if you know me well you'll know why those made it into the bag), a cute cloth book and a changing pad to keep in the bassinet for those middle of the night diaper changes. I also got 2 bags of Dr. Brown bottles with a variety of nipples and a Bumbo seat.

These finds just made me happy. There's a giraffe nightlight and a sign for the baby's door. Once No Name is home, I'll put his/her name on the sign. 

So, there you have the fruits of my shopping labors. You'd think I'd be good to go for a while, right? Well......Sunday is half price day....and they gave me a coupon to use...so, we'll see. Oh, and they said they were anticipating new stuff to be dropped off. I feel a shopping day coming on....