What if?

And even though it didn't, wow what a ride!

Waiting

As I have every night since Monday.

Signs and hope

So, I'm a big believer in signs. I'm also pretty superstitious and haven't quite given up on Santa...so read on at your own risk. :)

Every once in a while, I have a doubting day where it's hard to imagine this baby dream ever becoming a reality. (8 months only seems like a short amount of time when you're not in the midst of waiting for something miraculous to happen) On those doubting days, I ask for a sign to show me that I'm on the right path. Now granted, I WATCH for them.....but they do generally appear when I ask. Like the day I found the adoption success stories book at the dollar store and it was the only copy they had. Or, when out to dinner on my birthday, and the song playing as we entered the restaurant had the words "I must have done something right for you to come into my life". Or the dreams about my baby that other people keep having. But the best one, so far, happened yesterday.

I was at a class that I'm taking this summer about technology and the 21st century learner. They had us download a book onto our iPads. The intro to the book had an audio/video portion. When it came time for us to read the first chapter, I put my earbuds in and tapped the book to start. The intro plays, I'm watching a picture of the earth revolving and then the picture changes to a watercolor-y type silhouette of a person and a John Denver song starts playing. I recognize the song as one I downloaded for the baby because it seemed to fit. The title is The Gift You Are. I was thinking how cool it was that the author chose this song to go with the first chapter. But, as the song continued to play, I worried I wouldn't have enough time to read the chapter. I asked the instructor how to skip the rest of the song. That's when I found out NOBODY else got the John Denver song. My IPad somehow combined the book and the song. I swear I didn't touch it after I tapped the book icon! So see....my sign I asked for!

Oh....and please send prayers, good thoughts, good mojo, whatever you are best at and believe in for a new friend. She's going through a tough time and may be doing it alone. I'm sure she could use our love.

A gift

I got a gift for my birthday today. (Not THAT one--I would not be this calm, trust me!) As a kindergarten teacher, I do a lot for my kids that I figure they will never remember. We make butter and have Polar Express day and the leprechauns visit and we do jellybean math and raise butterflies and make bug shirts and so much more. It's time consuming and hectic and I do it because I love them and I want them to see school as an exciting, wonderful, magical place. But I don't figure they'll remember all that we did. And I really don't think they'll remember much about me.

A few weeks ago, I had a message on my voicemail at school. Turns out a former student wanted me to call her. It took a while to touch base, but, boy was it worth it. 

Tonight I got the best gift---I attended her high school graduation. This little girl, who was in my first kindergarten class, wanted ME to be at her graduation. 

So, if you ever wonder if all the time and money and energy and devotion and occasional heartache are worth it.......

                                               ...yeah, it's worth it. Because, sometimes, they do remember.

Goodbye 2012/13

As a teacher, my year does not begin on Jan. 1 like the rest of the world. My years begin in August and end, in a sense, in June. Each August I make my new year resolutions (I will refile papers every week, I will grade papers and pass them back every week, I will not make piles behind the Smartboard....) and by October I've usually broken every one. 

Every year in May I start feeling like time is moving too fast. I didn't get things done I wanted to do, concepts taught that I wanted the kids to know. Mostly, though, I'm regretting  that my time with my current class is drawing to a close. I've spent about 1,300 hours with these little people and I've grown to love them. They are a part of me and forever will be. 

This year, my class presented me a group gift of a "summer fun" basket. After the last book was read and the last hug given, I returned to my messy, empty classroom and looked in the basket. My room mom, sweet, sweet woman that she is, included my girls in my end of year gift. Yes, there were goodies for me....but the girls got goodies too! The picture above shows them checking out their loot.

This year, as I close out my room and finish report cards, I wonder if this will be my last summer of just me and the girls. I hope so. And if it is (but really, even if it's not) I'm so touched that my girls were thought of with such love. 

Message received

I just got back from a week spent with my aunt and uncle. It was tiring, physically and emotionally draining....and wonderful. Turns out, I was blessed to spend my uncle's last week with him. He passed 24 hours after I left. I am so, so grateful for the time we had together. My aunt is on the mend and handling the loss well. I'm grateful for the help I was able to provide her. I sent many prayers of thanks last week. I am especially grateful for God's perfect timing. I don't think last week would have been possible with a new baby along for the ride.

However....I'm home now, in the land of constant reminders. The holiday tomorrow is adding fuel to that fire. I'm not depressed, or angry, or bitter, or dreading the day......I'm just ready. Ready to be a mom...with all the highs, lows, sleepless nights, anxious days, love and laughter that will bring. 

I was perusing the adoption boards on Pinterest today. Normally, there's a lot of baby/adoption announcements, fundraising ideas, blogs, etc. Today, EVERY board I looked at had multiple "keep believing/it's gonna happen" type messages. These were a few of my favorites. 

I'll be saying another prayer of thanks tonight.