Adoption 101

This post is for those just getting started with adoption...or those who have a loved one on the adoption journey...or those curious about adoption...or, well..anyone who wants to keep reading. This is what I've learned so far on my journey to motherhood.

BIRTH MOM VS EXPECTANT MOM: Just as those parenting their children are 'expectant parents' until the day of their child's birth, so too are those placing children for adoption. She is not a 'birth mom' until after the baby is placed. Both women who love and care about that child are the 'real' mom--- there are no fake moms in adoption or anywhere else.

GIVE UP VS PLACING: Any woman who is strong enough to carry a baby to term and then place that child into the loving arms of another to raise is not "giving up". She is not discarding something she didn't want..she is choosing a different life for her child. Children placed with adoptive families were wished for and planned for. They are treasured and adored. They should never be made to feel that somebody just gave them away. 

OPEN VS CLOSED ADOPTION: An open adoption is one in which there is some degree of contact between the birth family and the adoptive family. Level of contact varies, depending on the desires of all parties involved. Sometimes, the expectant family chooses the adoptive family but then does not want any more contact. Sometimes, ongoing contact after the baby's birth and placement occur through letters, photos and/or videos. Sometimes, both families routinely get together. A closed adoption is one in which the birth family has no contact with the adoptive family. The adoptive family's knowledge of their child's medical and family history is limited to the paperwork provided at the time of placement. Regardless of which type of adoption you are comfortable with, or familiar with or would/did choose for yourself--you do not get to pass judgement on anyone else's choice. We all make the choice that we think is best for ourselves and our children. 

DOMESTIC VS INTERNATIONAL: Just as with open vs closed adoption, this is a personal choice. For me, I chose domestic because 1. Many countries do not allow adoptions by single parents and 2. I may only get one shot at this parenthood thing so I want to experience as much of my child's life as possible. With international adoptions you often have a timeline that you do not get with domestic adoptions. You also have more paperwork and more travel expenses. You are also pretty much at the mercy of another country's government. International adoptions can take years for the paperwork, etc.  Many countries, such as China, limit singles to adoption of "waiting" children---kiddos who are older and/or have significant medical needs.

MY AGENCY: I can only speak to how my agency works, but wanted to give you a glimpse of a "modern" adoption. In my agency, there is no "list" (as there was in years past). I will not be "next" or "top of the list". During my homestudy process, I spent a lot of time discussing with my case worker and social worker what I would and would not be open to. When a situation or baby becomes available that matches my criteria, I will receive a phone call. My agency only matches expectant moms with adoptive families two months out. This means that I will not be connected with a woman who is only 5 or 6 months pregnant. I may get a call asking if I'd like to be presented (have my profile book shown) to an expectant mom. I may get a call asking me to meet with expectant parents. I may get a