Prayers needed

About 2 months ago or so, I found out my uncle has cancer. We were told there were tumors in his esophagus, stomach and possibly bone involvement. Right before the diagnosis, he fell and banged up his ankle pretty badly to where he was having a lot of difficulty with mobility.  I've been calling every week for an update. He and my aunt are fiercely independent people---I've offered many times to fly out and help. My aunt always says they're managing ok.

A few weeks ago, my uncle lost the ability to walk. His legs were just too weak to support him. Last week, the doctor told them that, thanks to the radiation, the esophagus tumor was gone, the stomach tumor was greatly improved and he thought there was improvement in the bone as well. Through all this, my aunt's health has been declining. With his improvements, she finally went to the doctor for herself.

It's been very frustrating being so far away, with no real way to help. All my info on how he's doing comes through my weekly phone calls. My aunt was sounding fairly positive and optimistic for how things were going health wise for him, so I was optimistic as well.

Till last night. She called me from the hospital. She has pneumonia and fluid retention so bad "her insides are swimming in fluid" (the words of her doctor). She also has not been able to be truthful on the phone. They live in a small house, and my uncle listens when she talks on the phone. He gets upset when she says anything negative...feels she's giving up on him. He's much, much worse than we were led to believe. She honestly feels he has about a week left.

Not that this is easy for them....but this has been a big blow for me. Last summer, they took me to casinos and thrift stores, he grilled burgers for dinner and he worked on his truck. To go from that to the reality of who is now is hard. Very, very hard.

If you are a praying person....please pray. I don't want to lose either of them. I can't imagine losing both.

More fun finds

My friend bought a little blue chair like this for her daughter's first birthday. That daughter is now 8, they still have the chair, and every little one that visits their house loves that thing! I figured I'd keep my eye out over the years for one to set aside. Well, this one was a great price and in perfect condition! Not sure where I'll store it until the baby I don't yet have is old enough to use it.

The little folding chair was cute and cheap. Figured we'd use it camping or on the deck.

The giraffe toy is just cute. And a good price. Didn't find out till I got it home that it makes music every time the back wheels turn. That ought to be fun someday. :) 

This was actually one of the main things I was watching for at the sale. (Well, that and your gift Sheila ;) ) This is not the one I registered for, but is just as cute, is in good shape....and was way cheaper. My poor kid may never realize that you can actually pay full price for things! :) The jumper did not want to fit in my car. Once home, I found out that, once reassembled, it also does not fit through any doorways. :) Another item I need a location for.

I was proud of myself---- I only bought 2 outfits for MIA Baby No Name. :) Both too cute to not have. The package contains 15 embroidered diapers/burp cloths. Figured I'd better prepare in case I get a spitter. The green thing is a suction cupped crumb catcher place mat. My friend J highly recommended it. There's a baby sign language DVD, 2 SCOOBY plates (if you know me well you'll know why those made it into the bag), a cute cloth book and a changing pad to keep in the bassinet for those middle of the night diaper changes. I also got 2 bags of Dr. Brown bottles with a variety of nipples and a Bumbo seat.

These finds just made me happy. There's a giraffe nightlight and a sign for the baby's door. Once No Name is home, I'll put his/her name on the sign. 

So, there you have the fruits of my shopping labors. You'd think I'd be good to go for a while, right? Well......Sunday is half price day....and they gave me a coupon to use...so, we'll see. Oh, and they said they were anticipating new stuff to be dropped off. I feel a shopping day coming on....

Fun finds

This is what happens when you set me loose on the first day of a huge consignment sale with gift money that I had set aside just for this reason. 2 hours and 2 car loads (one belonging to my mom) later, this was my haul.  (I love that the dogs very politely photo bombed my shot) What you can't really see behind the bouncer is the huge bag full of clothes and stuff! In my defense, there were 5 sleepers and 8 onesies for my friend A and her wonderful little man Baby TRex, and 2 pairs of pants and I think 8 pairs of shorts for my friend R and her son. Oh, and there were some baby gifts bought, as well. Sorry, Sheila....you'll just have to wait till your non-shower! 

Remember me saying I use retail therapy as a way to deal with the wait? Well, it kind of went into hyper drive at the sale! It was very overwhelming to be in a HUGE room filled to the brim with baby stuff. I did have a list and mostly stuck to it and I did stick to my budget, so yay me. 

This was not on the list....but no way was I going to pass it up! Looks really good on the new carpet. Once I get it cleaned up (doesn't look dirty at all, just want to be careful) I'll have to find the perfect place for it!

Next post: shots of other fun stuff from the sale

Love my peeps!

Got back a little bit ago from my 'waiting' support group. I gotta say---I just love those ladies! (Sorry, guys, you're great, too---just not AS great as your wives:) ) From day one, these ladies have included me as one of their own. I'm the only single, but they don't care. We are all on the same journey and that's all that matters. It's so nice to have somewhere to go to chat about the ups, downs and in betweens with people who get it; who don't need explanations or reasons. Don't get me wrong, my family and friends are wonderful and supportive and loving....but they are not in my shoes the way my waiting peeps are. Our group includes a few who already have their babies which is awesome. They've been there, done that and patiently answer all our questions and let us ogle their babies without thinking we're creepy. :) My master plan (cause I obviously get to control all things, right?) is for us to morph into a "we survived the adoption roller coaster" play group. How great for our babies to all grow up together with playmates who "get it" because they all share a common history? My dream come true!

And ladies, if you're reading......notice I said OUR babies. It WILL happen. We will all have our perfect-for-us babies some day.  Just obviously not on the timeline we'd like. :)

Angels in disguise

I hit a bit of a funk the last few days. Not a it's-never-gonna-happen funk but a why-is-there-baby-furniture-in-my-house type thing. Hard to explain. I wasn't depressed....more like disinterested. Yeah, yeah, there's gonna be a baby....someday.

Don't get me wrong.....I still really, really want to be a mom. And I still really, really feel that adoption is how that is meant to happen. I guess it's that the honeymoon excitement wore off and reality set in. I've been waiting almost 6 months. I could be waiting another 6. Or more.

 Maybe it was an adrenaline crash. You can only live in anticipation of a phone call for so long (cause even though I just said 6 months...it could also be 6 days). 

Anyway...was feeling a bit disconnected. And then my wonderful, amazing friend S sent me the best little note. Thanks for reading S and thanks for the pick me up that came at just the right time! Then today, another friend calls out of the blue wanting to know if she and her way cool kiddo could come check out the nursery. And, a friend who has been in this exact spot sent a wonderful text and a promise to chat soon. 

So, the fog is lifting. Thanks and a big hug go out to those wonderful ladies (and one wonderful mini-lady) for your support! It's appreciated more than you may know. 

Spring Break fun

This is what my room looks like on laundry day. Notice the piles of folded clothes, stack of hanging clothes, mound of socks? Yeah.....I don't mind DOING laundry...it's the putting away that I have a hard time with. Years ago, I went to a Parade of Homes. One of the fancy, schmancy houses had a huge closet in the master bedroom with a tv and a washer and dryer. At the time, I thought it was silly and crazy and frivolous. Now, I'm thinkin' that was a wicked smart idea. Maybe I'd get my stuff put away if I could just take it from the dryer and hang it right where it belonged! 

I'm sure by now you're wondering why the title of the post is 'Spring Break fun'. Well, I'll tell ya'.......it is now 12:30. I got up when I wanted. I'm vegging on the couch in my jammies, blogging, doing laundry. I have the whole day to do whatever I want. Yeah.....Spring Break rocks. 

PS This Spring Break would be exponentially improved by a certain phone call. In lieu of that...I think I'll go work on my "waiting" photo album.

Adoption 101, cont.

For some reason, blogger locked up and wouldn't let me finish my last post. Heck..it wouldn't even let me finish my sentence! So, here goes:

MY AGENCY: As I was saying, I may get a call that my baby is here and waiting for me. And, since my agency works with multiple other states, "here" could be Florida or Texas or Mississippi or just about anywhere. I won't know till I do get the call.

BABY'S STORY: Everybody comes with a past, even my future child. While I will be beyond thrilled to have him/ her join my life, there will be some aspects of the placement, adoption or family history that will not be mine to share. Baby will grow up knowing his/her complete story. However, there may be details that he/she may not want everyone knowing. Just because I am his/her mother does not give me the right to share that info. Just because you are an adult does not mean you should expect to be given that info. Does everyone you meet, or even friends or family members, know intimate details about your parents, your birth, your medical history?

GRIEF: Adoption inherently involves grief. I will be grieving for the woman who made the selfless choice to place her baby with me instead of parenting him/her herself. She will be grieving the loss of the little person she loved and nurtured for nine months, maybe longer. Even the baby will grieve. We've all seen newborn babies turn at the sound of their mother's voice. My baby will lose that. He/she will lose that familiar voice, smell, heartbeat. Yes, I will love my baby unconditionally. But, my first job as his/her mother will be to earn his/her trust.

BONDING: My first job as a mother involves earning my baby's trust. I have done a lot of research into this topic. I will take the expert's opinions, the pediatrician's opinions, fellow adoptive parent's opinions and my own instincts into consideration when doing what I feel is right for my baby. Please do not be offended if I do not let you hold the baby, feed the baby or change the baby. I will be doing everything I can to bond with my baby and earn his/her trust and the best way to do that is to meet all of his/her needs myself. I am not being greedy or selfish or vindictive....I will be showing my child that when he/she cries, I will be the one to meet his/her needs. Plus, I'll have had to wait forever (well, probably not that long but it sure feels like it some days) to hold that baby. You'll just have to give me some extra time before I'm ready to share.

KIDS ARE KIDS: When an adopted child misbehaves, do not automatically assume it's because he/she was adopted. ALL kids draw on the walls, throw temper tantrums, scream "I hate you". ALL kids go through times when they are shy, clingy or whiny. The majority of the time, it's just a kid being a kid.

WHEN YOU HAVE QUESTIONS: Every adoptive parent I know is happy to answer questions about adoption. However, if you have questions about a specific adoption or specific child, please wait to ask when the child is not there. Nobody likes to be talked about. Kids are no different.

I hope that helps anyone who had questions. If not, it was at least cathartic for me to type it! :) If you do have any questions, please feel free to comment or email me.

Adoption 101

This post is for those just getting started with adoption...or those who have a loved one on the adoption journey...or those curious about adoption...or, well..anyone who wants to keep reading. This is what I've learned so far on my journey to motherhood.

BIRTH MOM VS EXPECTANT MOM: Just as those parenting their children are 'expectant parents' until the day of their child's birth, so too are those placing children for adoption. She is not a 'birth mom' until after the baby is placed. Both women who love and care about that child are the 'real' mom--- there are no fake moms in adoption or anywhere else.

GIVE UP VS PLACING: Any woman who is strong enough to carry a baby to term and then place that child into the loving arms of another to raise is not "giving up". She is not discarding something she didn't want..she is choosing a different life for her child. Children placed with adoptive families were wished for and planned for. They are treasured and adored. They should never be made to feel that somebody just gave them away. 

OPEN VS CLOSED ADOPTION: An open adoption is one in which there is some degree of contact between the birth family and the adoptive family. Level of contact varies, depending on the desires of all parties involved. Sometimes, the expectant family chooses the adoptive family but then does not want any more contact. Sometimes, ongoing contact after the baby's birth and placement occur through letters, photos and/or videos. Sometimes, both families routinely get together. A closed adoption is one in which the birth family has no contact with the adoptive family. The adoptive family's knowledge of their child's medical and family history is limited to the paperwork provided at the time of placement. Regardless of which type of adoption you are comfortable with, or familiar with or would/did choose for yourself--you do not get to pass judgement on anyone else's choice. We all make the choice that we think is best for ourselves and our children. 

DOMESTIC VS INTERNATIONAL: Just as with open vs closed adoption, this is a personal choice. For me, I chose domestic because 1. Many countries do not allow adoptions by single parents and 2. I may only get one shot at this parenthood thing so I want to experience as much of my child's life as possible. With international adoptions you often have a timeline that you do not get with domestic adoptions. You also have more paperwork and more travel expenses. You are also pretty much at the mercy of another country's government. International adoptions can take years for the paperwork, etc.  Many countries, such as China, limit singles to adoption of "waiting" children---kiddos who are older and/or have significant medical needs.

MY AGENCY: I can only speak to how my agency works, but wanted to give you a glimpse of a "modern" adoption. In my agency, there is no "list" (as there was in years past). I will not be "next" or "top of the list". During my homestudy process, I spent a lot of time discussing with my case worker and social worker what I would and would not be open to. When a situation or baby becomes available that matches my criteria, I will receive a phone call. My agency only matches expectant moms with adoptive families two months out. This means that I will not be connected with a woman who is only 5 or 6 months pregnant. I may get a call asking if I'd like to be presented (have my profile book shown) to an expectant mom. I may get a call asking me to meet with expectant parents. I may get a