Adoption 101, cont.

For some reason, blogger locked up and wouldn't let me finish my last post. Heck..it wouldn't even let me finish my sentence! So, here goes:

MY AGENCY: As I was saying, I may get a call that my baby is here and waiting for me. And, since my agency works with multiple other states, "here" could be Florida or Texas or Mississippi or just about anywhere. I won't know till I do get the call.

BABY'S STORY: Everybody comes with a past, even my future child. While I will be beyond thrilled to have him/ her join my life, there will be some aspects of the placement, adoption or family history that will not be mine to share. Baby will grow up knowing his/her complete story. However, there may be details that he/she may not want everyone knowing. Just because I am his/her mother does not give me the right to share that info. Just because you are an adult does not mean you should expect to be given that info. Does everyone you meet, or even friends or family members, know intimate details about your parents, your birth, your medical history?

GRIEF: Adoption inherently involves grief. I will be grieving for the woman who made the selfless choice to place her baby with me instead of parenting him/her herself. She will be grieving the loss of the little person she loved and nurtured for nine months, maybe longer. Even the baby will grieve. We've all seen newborn babies turn at the sound of their mother's voice. My baby will lose that. He/she will lose that familiar voice, smell, heartbeat. Yes, I will love my baby unconditionally. But, my first job as his/her mother will be to earn his/her trust.

BONDING: My first job as a mother involves earning my baby's trust. I have done a lot of research into this topic. I will take the expert's opinions, the pediatrician's opinions, fellow adoptive parent's opinions and my own instincts into consideration when doing what I feel is right for my baby. Please do not be offended if I do not let you hold the baby, feed the baby or change the baby. I will be doing everything I can to bond with my baby and earn his/her trust and the best way to do that is to meet all of his/her needs myself. I am not being greedy or selfish or vindictive....I will be showing my child that when he/she cries, I will be the one to meet his/her needs. Plus, I'll have had to wait forever (well, probably not that long but it sure feels like it some days) to hold that baby. You'll just have to give me some extra time before I'm ready to share.

KIDS ARE KIDS: When an adopted child misbehaves, do not automatically assume it's because he/she was adopted. ALL kids draw on the walls, throw temper tantrums, scream "I hate you". ALL kids go through times when they are shy, clingy or whiny. The majority of the time, it's just a kid being a kid.

WHEN YOU HAVE QUESTIONS: Every adoptive parent I know is happy to answer questions about adoption. However, if you have questions about a specific adoption or specific child, please wait to ask when the child is not there. Nobody likes to be talked about. Kids are no different.

I hope that helps anyone who had questions. If not, it was at least cathartic for me to type it! :) If you do have any questions, please feel free to comment or email me.